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Lauryn Brook

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Friends Only [16 May 2013|08:37pm]
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Friends Only Audrey

&hearts - I'm engaged. My fiance' Randy and I have been together 4 and a half years since June 10th, 2005.
&hearts - Oue big day is May 15th, 2010 at a beautiful old house called Brignoli Manor.
&hearts - I have an amazing Maltipoo whom I would give my life for. His name is Sabastian Kenlee Johnson and I talk about him a lot. He saved my life. His birthday is August 16th, 2005.
&hearts - We just added a new little one to our brood. We got our new Mini Schnauzer, Samual Klemens Von Johnson, on December 22nd, 2009. He's my little Christmas miracle. He'll be a year old on October 3rd, 2010. He's mommy's little monster. He's totally different from Sabastian in every way, but I love my boys more than anything.
&hearts - I wouldn't say I have a whole lot of friends, but I'm extremely close to the ones I do have. In high school I had a lot of close friends and I hung out with a lot of people but over the years I've weeded through to the ones that truly matter and that I truly love. I don't really have friends, I have sisters.
&hearts - I love my family. I'm nothing like them, and we don't get along well most of the time, but I adore them all the same.
&hearts - I have a goddaughter who is my world. Teagan Roxanne is the most beautiful little girl I've ever seen. It doesn't hurt that she looks just like me. lol
&hearts - I'm a really friendly person that can get along with pretty much anyone.
&hearts - I pride myself on being intelligent and having class and I expect the same from the people I'm around.
&hearts - I love Hanson and The Beatles. You'll hear one or the other if you are ever in my car.
&hearts - I'm a modern day conservative hippie and a walking contradiction.
&hearts - I'm a Christian and I'm not ashamed. I know I don't act like it most of the time, but I working on that and only God can judge me. I can only allow him to mold me and hope I grow into a better person over time

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♥ - I have a lot to say [08 Nov 2008|01:24am]
I've been wanting to update for a while now, and I guess I've only just been struck with inspiration in the last 5 minutes. I've had so much on my mind the last few weeks. With the election, with getting older, with paying bills, with being on my own, with my grandmother. I've had so much I've wanted to say, but I felt like I was all emotionally backed up and I couldn't get any of it out. You know when such a simple moment happens and you completely look at everything in a new light? Well, ding ding ding, I got a moment.

I was just looking over my myspace page, reading my bio, listening to my music, looking over the causes I support, and I realized that if I didn't know myself but I saw myself on myspace, I think I would really like me. That probably doesn't make any sense to anyone else, but figuring out that you like yourself is pretty huge for me. I like the woman I've become and that makes me so happy. It's such an extreme step for me, and I'm proud of it. How many people can actually say, I like me as a person? I'll probably completely disagree with myself in a week but tonight, I feel good.
I've become a person I've hoped to be for a very long time. I care about other people passionately. I want to help and be involved in making others lives better and easier in anyway that I can. I have a great desire to work with the less fortunate and causes that strongly affect our society. I've become political, which I think it wonderful. I think everyone should be involved in politics. I was lucky enough to be involved in one of the most historical elections in history. I made calls, I got the word out, I researched, I stuck to my guns, and my candidate won! It was a wonderful experience and one I hope to relive.
I've made some decisions today that I hope to stick with this go around. I'm going back to school next fall. Just for my basics. Just to Gadsden State. No pressure. I have lots of majors that I'm looking into. Business marketing, political science, veterinary assistance, sonography, among other things that have crossed my mind. I'm also going to take an online based program on Wedding Planning through Jeff State. I think it would be something I'd really enjoy and could benifit me later on when I open the bakery. I'll probably choose a business major to help me later on too, but I just want to keep my options open so I don't freak myself out again. I really want to stick with something this time.
I have so many causes that I want to get out and work for. Like AIDS research, Breast Cancer Awarness, Depression and Suicide Awarness, Animal Cruality, The Literacy Foundation, The Children's Hunger Network, among others. I want to get more involved in my community. I want to help people. For the rest of my life. That's what I want to be when I grow up. A helper. An activist. I want to fight for those who can't fight for themselves. Speak for those who can speak for themselves. Listen to those who just need someone to talk to and understand. I want to be someone's lifeline. I want to save lives. I want to be a superhero.

I just want to work to be a better person.
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[05 Jun 2008|10:20am]
So I guess it's okay to post things here that I don't want shown on my myspace. There is something really bothering me about the relationship that I'm in. I just found out about it a few days ago, but my heart hurts because of it. Randy and I aren't even really speaking right now. I mean yeah, it's the usual, can you move that or get up that guy is coming to fix the stove or night or whatever. Last night he didn't put me to bed, this morning I didn't kiss him good morning when I woke up to take a shower. It's a very odd situation. Very.... out of body is the only way I can think of it.
Randy and I don't have sex very often. He wants to, but I just don't like it. It hurts and it's not enjoyable for me. Sometimes I'll do it just to appease him, but very rarely am I ever in the mood myself.  Well I just found out that Randy looks at porn to get off when I won't give up sex. This may be no big deal for some girls, but for me it breaks my heart. I feel like I'm being cheated on. I know it's not that serious, but the thought of the man I'm a marrying, watching another woman having sex so that he can get off really bothers me. I feel like it puts me up against an unfair advantage. I wil never look like those girls, I will never act like those girls, I will ever feel like those girls, I will never enjoy myself like those girls.  There isn't much I can do about not enjoying sex. It's a medical thing. It sucks but I deal with it. I would give anything to be with Randy the way that other girls could, but I can't.
I can't even look at him right now. I don/'t want him to touch me. I just don't know what to do.
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